Your Love Is A Song
2:55 PM
Or better yet, your life is. A song I mean.
I'm happily making a playlist of me. You should try it. A playlist that reflects exactly who you are.
(Would it be really short? Or would it have billions of songs? Just the number of songs would say a lot about you, I guess, but I'm thinking most people have just a few. Less than fifty. Less than thirty even.)
Here's what I have so far; alt rock/ r&b fans would like it.
1. Mikage Ishi -- UVERworld.
This is my theme song man. When Takuya sings, my mind gets blown. Every single time. He's amazing.
2. Mei Ren Yu -- JJ Lin
I just like it. The title means Mermaid in Chinese (literal translation: Beautiful Person Fish) and I'm not 100% sure what it's even about but I like this song.
3. Hekkushun -- RADWIMPS
One of my top 3 favorite bands. It's scary in a cold angry way. Not an Eminem angry way lol. I guess because I don't get angry in an Eminem angry way either.
Hm. Yup. Waiting to remember the others... :3
I'm happily making a playlist of me. You should try it. A playlist that reflects exactly who you are.
(Would it be really short? Or would it have billions of songs? Just the number of songs would say a lot about you, I guess, but I'm thinking most people have just a few. Less than fifty. Less than thirty even.)
Here's what I have so far; alt rock/ r&b fans would like it.
1. Mikage Ishi -- UVERworld.
This is my theme song man. When Takuya sings, my mind gets blown. Every single time. He's amazing.
2. Mei Ren Yu -- JJ Lin
I just like it. The title means Mermaid in Chinese (literal translation: Beautiful Person Fish) and I'm not 100% sure what it's even about but I like this song.
3. Hekkushun -- RADWIMPS
One of my top 3 favorite bands. It's scary in a cold angry way. Not an Eminem angry way lol. I guess because I don't get angry in an Eminem angry way either.
Hm. Yup. Waiting to remember the others... :3
The Rules of the Game
8:05 AM
You are not my first baby, my baby, my blog.
I had others and they are all dead. Something went wrong. Obviously. And then you hear about Natalie Munroe, a teacher who got suspended for complaining about "whiny kids" on her blog and you know, it looks like a journal, Ginny, but it's actually a megalomaniacal personification of evil. Or something.
This blog thing, I mean.
I'm bored so let's call blogging a life-or-death game.
The rules of the game:
1. As I said before because it is the most important thing: Be honest. Even if you're lying, be honest about it.
2. Only say things you'd be comfortable saying to your friends. Things you believe you have a right to say and wouldn't be embarrassed to back up in a public trial.
In fact, to avoid all awkwardness, never say anything about someone you wouldn't want to say to their face.
3. Finally (a good rule in life too) don't (as Noam said) drink the Kool-Aid. Don't be a fanatic of anything, always be skeptical of everything, always be ready to change your mind. There's less to defend that way.
That's it.
Note, I didn't say, as Kelly of "Regis and" fame did, "Don't post nudey photos." Nor did I say, as I would have when I was little miss puritan 6th grader, "Don't say anything you wouldn't tell your daddy."
Do it, if that's what you want. Just be ready to defend your decisions.
'Cause yes it does matter what other people think when other people are ignorant gits who'll slaughter you and mutilate your corpse if you can't explain yourself too good, if they don't understand where you're coming from. Yes, the world is out to get you, not you specifically, but someone careless who could have your face, name and shoe-size.
And the worst is they are remorseless, hypocritical bastards.
Just look what they did to Michael Jackson. Britney Spears.
That's my life philosophy anyway. And call me anal, but I like rules--so long as I made them myself. It's like a bargain with God--so long as I follow these, I'll be safe.
As I get older, I'm starting to like the sound of just being safe. Security, you know? The harmless, mundane 9 to 5! Gimme! I want it!
...I'm kidding. I think.
Anyhoo, now I can really say that the game has begun.
I had others and they are all dead. Something went wrong. Obviously. And then you hear about Natalie Munroe, a teacher who got suspended for complaining about "whiny kids" on her blog and you know, it looks like a journal, Ginny, but it's actually a megalomaniacal personification of evil. Or something.
This blog thing, I mean.
I'm bored so let's call blogging a life-or-death game.
The rules of the game:
1. As I said before because it is the most important thing: Be honest. Even if you're lying, be honest about it.
2. Only say things you'd be comfortable saying to your friends. Things you believe you have a right to say and wouldn't be embarrassed to back up in a public trial.
In fact, to avoid all awkwardness, never say anything about someone you wouldn't want to say to their face.
3. Finally (a good rule in life too) don't (as Noam said) drink the Kool-Aid. Don't be a fanatic of anything, always be skeptical of everything, always be ready to change your mind. There's less to defend that way.
That's it.
Note, I didn't say, as Kelly of "Regis and" fame did, "Don't post nudey photos." Nor did I say, as I would have when I was little miss puritan 6th grader, "Don't say anything you wouldn't tell your daddy."
Do it, if that's what you want. Just be ready to defend your decisions.
'Cause yes it does matter what other people think when other people are ignorant gits who'll slaughter you and mutilate your corpse if you can't explain yourself too good, if they don't understand where you're coming from. Yes, the world is out to get you, not you specifically, but someone careless who could have your face, name and shoe-size.
And the worst is they are remorseless, hypocritical bastards.
Just look what they did to Michael Jackson. Britney Spears.
That's my life philosophy anyway. And call me anal, but I like rules--so long as I made them myself. It's like a bargain with God--so long as I follow these, I'll be safe.
As I get older, I'm starting to like the sound of just being safe. Security, you know? The harmless, mundane 9 to 5! Gimme! I want it!
...I'm kidding. I think.
Anyhoo, now I can really say that the game has begun.
Tiger Weather
6:53 PM
The best kind of happiness is when the sky is iron gray but the buildings are still splashed with sunshine and a storm is coming and the air is all buzzy with excitement.
I mean, I can't think of anything better. All the other happinesses make you feel guilty or silly or sad later on.
As you can see, this is not the professionalism and censorship post.
Maybe I should just say screw it and promise to write as honestly as I can without saying anything I'll regret.
But I feel like it's like starting a game without laying down the rules. As you can see this blog is new so all the posts are really awkward. Later on it gets easier, I know, as a mother of many, many blogs.
(They died though. They died because the blog was tied to an identity that stopped fitting me well...But since this blog is linked to me, the real me, it can't possibly die can it?)
(James Blunt sings "And all men dieeeeeee" lol)
What makes blogging even easier if you write TO somebody. Not to space. But to someone.
I've already started doing that. It's an instinct.
I'm writing to you, wherever you are.
(Though that might be a problem too. What if you become an identity that dies? I can't let you take my blog with you, you know.)
(Well you're almost unreal, so you can't die. Only real things die: true or false?)
That's my post for the day.
I mean, I can't think of anything better. All the other happinesses make you feel guilty or silly or sad later on.
As you can see, this is not the professionalism and censorship post.
Maybe I should just say screw it and promise to write as honestly as I can without saying anything I'll regret.
But I feel like it's like starting a game without laying down the rules. As you can see this blog is new so all the posts are really awkward. Later on it gets easier, I know, as a mother of many, many blogs.
(They died though. They died because the blog was tied to an identity that stopped fitting me well...But since this blog is linked to me, the real me, it can't possibly die can it?)
(James Blunt sings "And all men dieeeeeee" lol)
What makes blogging even easier if you write TO somebody. Not to space. But to someone.
I've already started doing that. It's an instinct.
I'm writing to you, wherever you are.
(Though that might be a problem too. What if you become an identity that dies? I can't let you take my blog with you, you know.)
(Well you're almost unreal, so you can't die. Only real things die: true or false?)
That's my post for the day.
Tangent/ Zodiac Crap
6:02 AM
Ohai so I was gonna rant about censorship and professionalism in this post but I mean seriously I would just go on and on and on and I don't have time to go on and on so instead:
http://www.astrologizeme.com/your_chinese_sign.shtml
It's a cool website where Master RAO tells you your Chinese zodiac sign and element.
I'm a water rooster.
Now wtf does that mean?
It means I can go around bragging about it and thinking I've legitimately discovered something new about myself and set another brick in the monument known as my identity when actually it's Barnum effect bullcrap but it's still fun.
Harry Potter, as you, and everyone in this world, and everyone in this galaxy, knows, comes out to theaters today. And I haven't checked out Pottermore yet. Because I wanted to make sure I wasn't a metal rooster (aka Terminator Cock).
Such is my life: Title and Registration -- Death Cab For Cutie.
I see. Pottermore isn't open yet. I hope they'll let us choose our own houses. Slytherin ftw!!!!
There should be a plus to petty thoughts. Maybe because they're so bite-sized, tv-flavored y'all can swallow them and get where I'm coming from for once in my poor, sad, emo, misunderstood life lmao.
Another one: Waiting For The End -- Linkin Park.
The next post will definitely be the obligatory censorship/ professionalism rant. It's just sitting on my tongue constipating my brain so nothing else can come out. LOL
http://www.astrologizeme.com/your_chinese_sign.shtml
It's a cool website where Master RAO tells you your Chinese zodiac sign and element.
I'm a water rooster.
Now wtf does that mean?
It means I can go around bragging about it and thinking I've legitimately discovered something new about myself and set another brick in the monument known as my identity when actually it's Barnum effect bullcrap but it's still fun.
Harry Potter, as you, and everyone in this world, and everyone in this galaxy, knows, comes out to theaters today. And I haven't checked out Pottermore yet. Because I wanted to make sure I wasn't a metal rooster (aka Terminator Cock).
Such is my life: Title and Registration -- Death Cab For Cutie.
I see. Pottermore isn't open yet. I hope they'll let us choose our own houses. Slytherin ftw!!!!
There should be a plus to petty thoughts. Maybe because they're so bite-sized, tv-flavored y'all can swallow them and get where I'm coming from for once in my poor, sad, emo, misunderstood life lmao.
Another one: Waiting For The End -- Linkin Park.
The next post will definitely be the obligatory censorship/ professionalism rant. It's just sitting on my tongue constipating my brain so nothing else can come out. LOL
Old Man Upstairs/ Eat My Soul Ho
5:53 PM
I was mentally griping about why I needed a dumb blog anyway because (here's a logical dilemma):
1. It's only fun to write the truth.
2. It's only fun to write for an audience.
3. I can't write the truth for an audience.
4. Blogging is writing for an audience.
5. Blog posts are full of not-truths.
Thus 6. It's no fun to blog. BUT logic only holds water if you assume the listed are true. True things can be made untrue.
And ALSO: logic only holds water if you respect logic. If I say, "Screw logic!" what can logic do about that?
Blahblahblah so here I am.
God.
Oh God.
I couldn't sleep because I sleep all day so I'm never tired at night so I was just quietly flipping through the radio and all the songs suck mostly but I found a station that was really good and it turned out it was playing Christian music, singing stuff like "You'll never let me go/ You love me forever/ Oh Jesus" and I thought (is it sad?) you'd never guess (and many of my friends go "Whoa really?") that I'm a Christian and would like these songs and the old Jesus Day t-shirt says, "What are you searching for?" and I frankly have no idea.
As usual I'm trying to say too much in one go.
I just like how innocent the songs are. Pop music is all sly, all planned to make you seem cool or to flatter somebody with unbelievable crap (I DO NOT LIKE BRUNO MARS'S DUMB LOVE SONG). But Christian rock is just blind trust that love needn't be conned outta someone or flattered out of someone, you don't have to get it--it's ALREADY THERE. You're already loved.
(It makes a little emo like me very happy so.)
That's what I like.
As for God, I like Jesus. He's cool. I just wish we could (OMG HOW EVIL!!!) go off the book a bit or at least stop making little loopholes to make the Bible perfect.
I mean, seriously, PEOPLE wrote it and they included some pretty dumb laws.
I'd rather connect to God outside of rituals and history and stuff. God to me is more of a benevolent, misunderstood creator. Jesus is his son, and he sent him down to make life a bit awesomer for us...
(Still thinking through that one.)
Ta-da! Personal philosophy clarified. I'd rather we all have our own personal philosophies than there being a Right Way. The thought that only some person's ideal would work pisses me off--I mean what makes some people more right than others in these mutable issues?
It would be so cool if religion is mutable because we gotta make it ourselves. So if Jen believes shinigami are real and she'll get to be one and be a taichou in Soul Society, she'd get it. And if I believe that angels exist and my brother is one, I'd have it.
There's no reason it can't be, is it?
I'm just so afraid that I'll convince myself that because it's cool, it's gotta be true, and then I die and the afterlife (if there is one) is a total letdown.
It sucks so much, just thinking about it.
Which is why happy people don't think. They just do!
(And that's what I've learned from you. )
Anyway I vomited my insecure dumb trivialities. I have started to. I am honest and I swear to be as honest as possible without lying.
(I think honesty's not The Dull Truth, it's the most socially incorrect thing you could possibly say. So I'd rather like the ability to lie and say "The human race should kill itself" than, "Logically, no the human race doesn't have to die but it'd be an interesting possibility?")
Getting ahead of myself though.
1. It's only fun to write the truth.
2. It's only fun to write for an audience.
3. I can't write the truth for an audience.
4. Blogging is writing for an audience.
5. Blog posts are full of not-truths.
Thus 6. It's no fun to blog. BUT logic only holds water if you assume the listed are true. True things can be made untrue.
And ALSO: logic only holds water if you respect logic. If I say, "Screw logic!" what can logic do about that?
Blahblahblah so here I am.
God.
Oh God.
I couldn't sleep because I sleep all day so I'm never tired at night so I was just quietly flipping through the radio and all the songs suck mostly but I found a station that was really good and it turned out it was playing Christian music, singing stuff like "You'll never let me go/ You love me forever/ Oh Jesus" and I thought (is it sad?) you'd never guess (and many of my friends go "Whoa really?") that I'm a Christian and would like these songs and the old Jesus Day t-shirt says, "What are you searching for?" and I frankly have no idea.
As usual I'm trying to say too much in one go.
I just like how innocent the songs are. Pop music is all sly, all planned to make you seem cool or to flatter somebody with unbelievable crap (I DO NOT LIKE BRUNO MARS'S DUMB LOVE SONG). But Christian rock is just blind trust that love needn't be conned outta someone or flattered out of someone, you don't have to get it--it's ALREADY THERE. You're already loved.
(It makes a little emo like me very happy so.)
That's what I like.
As for God, I like Jesus. He's cool. I just wish we could (OMG HOW EVIL!!!) go off the book a bit or at least stop making little loopholes to make the Bible perfect.
I mean, seriously, PEOPLE wrote it and they included some pretty dumb laws.
I'd rather connect to God outside of rituals and history and stuff. God to me is more of a benevolent, misunderstood creator. Jesus is his son, and he sent him down to make life a bit awesomer for us...
(Still thinking through that one.)
Ta-da! Personal philosophy clarified. I'd rather we all have our own personal philosophies than there being a Right Way. The thought that only some person's ideal would work pisses me off--I mean what makes some people more right than others in these mutable issues?
It would be so cool if religion is mutable because we gotta make it ourselves. So if Jen believes shinigami are real and she'll get to be one and be a taichou in Soul Society, she'd get it. And if I believe that angels exist and my brother is one, I'd have it.
There's no reason it can't be, is it?
I'm just so afraid that I'll convince myself that because it's cool, it's gotta be true, and then I die and the afterlife (if there is one) is a total letdown.
It sucks so much, just thinking about it.
Which is why happy people don't think. They just do!
(And that's what I've learned from you. )
Anyway I vomited my insecure dumb trivialities. I have started to. I am honest and I swear to be as honest as possible without lying.
(I think honesty's not The Dull Truth, it's the most socially incorrect thing you could possibly say. So I'd rather like the ability to lie and say "The human race should kill itself" than, "Logically, no the human race doesn't have to die but it'd be an interesting possibility?")
Getting ahead of myself though.
Binge Reading
1:16 PM
I figured I haven't done nothing in such a long time, I might as well enjoy two months of nothing before college starts.
Well, not nothing, per se.
Yesterday I read Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult and bookmarked my favorite lines:
"A baby fish is a...?"
"Caviar?" (Pg. 20).
"You know what? I was going to say fuck you, but then I decided I'd just wait for the trial to start, so you can go fuck yourself." (Pg. 334).
LMAOROFLMAOLOL. I wanna be a lawyer just so I can say that line.
This is totally one of Picoult's better novels (though my favorite is still Change of Heart). Point of contention though:
Page 223: "Sometimes you are such a dyke." [Says otherwise sympathetic minor character Joel-the-wedding-planner.]
In other instances, the women take serious offense to being called a "dyke" but in this case it's okay...
Like--like--"nigger" vs "nigga" except without a spelling difference to clear things up?
Or maybe I'm not completely cured of a habit of seeing things in black and white...?
I just figure man, the subtext is so insubstantial, can't you be consistent so the dumb kids don't get confused?
The ending was also bit too easy too. I wanna know how Reid found out, how Reid reacted to Max stealing his wife, and isn't it so goddamn anticlimactic if the whole losing the court case was reversed in a couple of pages because Max just felt like taking it all back? Seriously?
But it's compelling. Brava brava.
Then I read Balzac and The Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie and it's hilarious so you should DEFINITELY read it yourself even if the ending made me go "Aw shit." I feel like the narrator all the time. I guess my best friend would be Luo, but who's the Seamstress? She seems like a metaphor of something. Maybe a metaphor for China. There's something really inhuman about her.
Ohmigawd, school is out and I still think I'm in Lit. They've done terrible things to me.
Now I'm working on Mini Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory, and The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan. I'll reread The Other Boleyn Girl too. By the time the summer is over, I will not need to read for another hundred years, but I probably will anyway.
I'll get a copy of Memoirs of a Geisha, because I can't read it atm since my mom's all like "GEISHAS? PROSTITUTION???" and I'm like...."Literature?" and she's like
"YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!"
I think this segues nicely into the next post.
Well, not nothing, per se.
Yesterday I read Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult and bookmarked my favorite lines:
"A baby fish is a...?"
"Caviar?" (Pg. 20).
"You know what? I was going to say fuck you, but then I decided I'd just wait for the trial to start, so you can go fuck yourself." (Pg. 334).
LMAOROFLMAOLOL. I wanna be a lawyer just so I can say that line.
This is totally one of Picoult's better novels (though my favorite is still Change of Heart). Point of contention though:
Page 223: "Sometimes you are such a dyke." [Says otherwise sympathetic minor character Joel-the-wedding-planner.]
In other instances, the women take serious offense to being called a "dyke" but in this case it's okay...
Like--like--"nigger" vs "nigga" except without a spelling difference to clear things up?
Or maybe I'm not completely cured of a habit of seeing things in black and white...?
I just figure man, the subtext is so insubstantial, can't you be consistent so the dumb kids don't get confused?
The ending was also bit too easy too. I wanna know how Reid found out, how Reid reacted to Max stealing his wife, and isn't it so goddamn anticlimactic if the whole losing the court case was reversed in a couple of pages because Max just felt like taking it all back? Seriously?
But it's compelling. Brava brava.
Then I read Balzac and The Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie and it's hilarious so you should DEFINITELY read it yourself even if the ending made me go "Aw shit." I feel like the narrator all the time. I guess my best friend would be Luo, but who's the Seamstress? She seems like a metaphor of something. Maybe a metaphor for China. There's something really inhuman about her.
Ohmigawd, school is out and I still think I'm in Lit. They've done terrible things to me.
Now I'm working on Mini Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory, and The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan. I'll reread The Other Boleyn Girl too. By the time the summer is over, I will not need to read for another hundred years, but I probably will anyway.
I'll get a copy of Memoirs of a Geisha, because I can't read it atm since my mom's all like "GEISHAS? PROSTITUTION???" and I'm like...."Literature?" and she's like
"YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!"
I think this segues nicely into the next post.
