You are not my first baby, my baby, my blog.

I had others and they are all dead. Something went wrong. Obviously. And then you hear about Natalie Munroe, a teacher who got suspended for complaining about "whiny kids" on her blog and you know, it looks like a journal, Ginny, but it's actually a megalomaniacal personification of evil. Or something.

This blog thing, I mean.

I'm bored so let's call blogging a life-or-death game.

The rules of the game:

1. As I said before because it is the most important thing: Be honest. Even if you're lying, be honest about it.

2. Only say things you'd be comfortable saying to your friends. Things you believe you have a right to say and wouldn't be embarrassed to back up in a public trial.

In fact, to avoid all awkwardness, never say anything about someone you wouldn't want to say to their face.

3. Finally (a good rule in life too) don't (as Noam said) drink the Kool-Aid. Don't be a fanatic of anything, always be skeptical of everything, always be ready to change your mind. There's less to defend that way.

That's it.

Note, I didn't say, as Kelly of "Regis and" fame did, "Don't post nudey photos." Nor did I say, as I would have when I was little miss puritan 6th grader, "Don't say anything you wouldn't tell your daddy."

Do it, if that's what you want. Just be ready to defend your decisions.

'Cause yes it does matter what other people think when other people are ignorant gits who'll slaughter you and mutilate your corpse if you can't explain yourself too good, if they don't understand where you're coming from. Yes, the world is out to get you, not you specifically, but someone careless who could have your face, name and shoe-size.

And the worst is they are remorseless, hypocritical bastards.

Just look what they did to Michael Jackson. Britney Spears.

That's my life philosophy anyway. And call me anal, but I like rules--so long as I made them myself. It's like a bargain with God--so long as I follow these, I'll be safe.

As I get older, I'm starting to like the sound of just being safe. Security, you know? The harmless, mundane 9 to 5! Gimme! I want it!

...I'm kidding. I think.

Anyhoo, now I can really say that the game has begun.